Get this party started...

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So, the party on Saturday night...

The husband and I both turned sixty this year, and while he was more than happy to take his motorbike up hill, down glen and through mud in various countries, I wanted something a bit more sophisticated (that's with two Fs as my dad would say), what with being a lady and all that.  

'I'd like a party to celebrate my birthday, I said, way back in February, and here are the criteria'...

All my wonderful family and fabulous friends have to be there to take the p*ss out of me being sixty

I need a coach to take my family and neighbours to the venue, so we can start partying straightaway

I am hoping that the coach company I pick has a terrible 1* review on Trustpilot, causing me many sleepless nights as to whether the coach will even turn up

I am planning on picking a great venue, which will go into liquidation one month before the big day (causing many more sleepless nights)

I want said venue to call me twenty four hours before the party and ask for yet more money

I want to have a great dress which doesn't come back from the alterations chap till eleven hours before the party starts

I want the hairdresser to completely annihilate my hair and have to get daughter number two to do a quick rescue job to stop me looking like an explosion in a mattress factory

I don't want the DJ to play any of the songs I carefully picked for the night

I don't want to eat any of the delicious canapes when they are handed round

I want a fabulous cake, none of which I shall taste until twenty four hours later when I am ferreting about for a hangover cure

I want to dance all night, and get at least three blisters from unsuitable shoes

I want to cry at least twice (son number two's speech and the children's gift)

I want the husband to do a speech, ending with a terrible slowed down solo rendition of Happy Birthday (a la Marilyn Monroe) 

I want to do a passable impression of Long John Silver with a stone in his one shoe on my short walk from the coach to home (approximately twenty three metres)

I want to be bedridden for half a day with a headache the size of Gibraltar

And so it came to pass...




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