Big break...

The husband and I had a wonderful break in the Wobble Box a couple of weeks ago.  If you remember, this was to recover after a couple of very frantic weeks in Italy celebrating the nuptials of daughter number one and Arthur Daley (her new husband is in the motor trade, so it seemed as good a name as any).

'Make sure you pick a quiet site', said the husband as he shuffled off to work.  'It's the school holidays still, so choose wisely'.

What he meant by this is that he wanted to be able to slob around in walking boots, shorts which are well are well past their best (aren't we all?) and with a bottle of craft cider swinging from his free hand (probably a barbecue tool of some description in the other) without fear of a rogue twelve year old standing at the end of our pitch asking daft questions such as, 'Does your dog bite?' or 'Is that hard to tow?' or, his own personal favourite, 'Have you seen our caravan?  It's bigger than yours'.  As the husband is a bit of a kid magnet, I felt that an adult only site might be worth considering.

So having trawled though the Caravan Club, with little success unless you wanted to book something three days' drive away, I stumbled on another website dedicated to the Adult Only Site.

Now we are all grown ups here.  I bet, like me, you had visions of dropping the caravan door key into a large, plastic bowl, decorated with scenes from Bridport, only for the manager to scoop one out and say to you, 'Madam, you have been paired with Derek from pitch 23.  He is a martyr to his bunions, loves Bergerac, and is very entertaining as long as you keep him away from the subjects of Preparation-H and the humble bell pepper.  

Sir, you need to go to pitch 47, where Gloria will be waiting for you.  Don't be put off by the smell of formaldehyde as she is extremely well preserved.  She is a big fan of Love Island (although she gets very depressed as her hometown of Limerick is never mentioned) and some extra time will need to be allowed for removal of the hand splint and surgical stockings which are de rigeur for a lady of her advanced years.  104, can you believe it!'

Well....the site couldn't have been further away from this. I'm not saying it was quiet, but I did ask the husband whether there were actually any other people in the eight other caravans on site with us.  It definitely lived up to its description of a 'quiet and peaceful site'.

However...

The site was right next door to a dual carriageway leading down to the south coast, and the traffic was consistent.  There was very little point in sitting outside until the noise had reduced to a dull roar around 10.45pm by which time, I was ready to get onto the snooker table which other folk would call a bed.  Never, never, ever agree to upgrade your caravan mattress to a 'more luxurious' one.  Every time we go away, I have to put up with the husband doing his John Virgo impersonation and he has threatened to add corner pockets to the mattress to make bedtime more fun.

I doubt there's a caravan site which caters for this side of him...