Damn it, Janet...

There is a good chance that I have to don my bikini in five weeks' time.  While you digest that fact, there is in fact, a rather more concerning event on the horizon.  This is more worrying as it's the week before the one where I have to don my bikini, so my legs will still have that mottled blue look like all of us British gals sport between November and April.

Some time ago, I suggested to Mrs S that she and her daughter (my god daughter) go out for the night with me and daughter number two (her god daughter....I hope you're keeping up).  There were a lot of suggestions bandied around such as tea at the Ritz or a day in a spa, but as we've already done those things, we settled on a live showing of The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

'We are dressing up for this, aren't we?'  This was posed as a 'question' from Mrs S.  Having known her for almost thirty years now, I was very aware that this statement (for that is what it was) had no need for a question mark at the end.  Now our girls are gorgeous in that young, untouched by the cruel hand of motherhood sort of a way, and I expected them to be at the front of the queue for dressing up.  But it would appear not.  

The two of them bagsied (who says that these days?) the roles of Brad and Janet, the two frumpy never-been-kissed innocents, who would be dressed mainly in beige and a sensible cardigan.  And then Mrs S dropped her bombshell.  'I've already got my French Maid's outfit', she said smugly.  One doesn't like to ask why she is in possession of such clothing, but I'm just hoping that it was left over from a previous foray into Transylvania.  

So where did that leave me?  I could have gone as Frank N Further himself, but it's a bit nippy going outside without clothes on in February.  I could also have gone as Rocky, but the same really applied to his costume (gold pants and nothing else).  Riff Raff has a huge Dowager's Hump and is bald and Eddie was blooming massive and needed tattooed arms.  Neither of these sounded at all attractive.  Mind you, if I don't curb the cake eating, Eddie might be all I've got...

But eventually, I settled on Columbia.  Top hat and tails, shorts and a boob tube.  This all sounded fine until I started trawling through ebay this afternoon to try and put the outfit together.  Believe it or not, I didn't have anything I could adapt, so a real potpourris of clothing is winging it's way to me over the next few days.

So my legs, which have seen better decades, will be getting an airing in February.  The trick with fishnets is to wear a normal pair of tights underneath them.  With it being February, would it be acceptable to wear my thermal tights underneath?  Just a thought.

The only saving grace is that the show is not close to home, so nobody will know who the middle aged bird with the middle aged spread in a pair of tight sequinned shorts will be. 

Daughter number two may disown me of course...