Mad dogs and Englishmen...

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I thought you'd like to hear what Percy and Reg thought about Schnauzerfest on Saturday...

The Outfits

Percy: 'Dear God, Reg, old chap. Have you seen what the old girl is making us wear?' (This said in a Noel Coward tone.  Percy is a 1950's throwback, and ever so particular).  'It's an orange onesie for Heaven's sake.  Real men don't wear orange or onesies for that matter'.

Reg: 'Well Perce, me old mucker,I fink it suits us luverley'.  (Reg likes to pretend he's from Essex, when he actually hails from Bath.  If he was human, he'd be in a correctional institution by now).  'At least me knackers are still on show.  Can't 'ave any of them other dogs finkin' I'm not a real man'.

Percy raises one eyebrow a la Roger Moore.

The Walk

Percy: 'I remember this from last year Reg.  Do you know, I got rather close to a deep and meaningful relationship with a lovely chap called Hugo.  He was so handsome'.  (Up till this walk, Percy has always batted for the other side I'm ashamed to say).  

Reg: 'Yeah, I remember this.  Last time I got told off by Dog Mum for the 'ole walk.  She don't 'alf nag'.

Percy: 'Now, now, young Reg.  You must remember that it's terribly stressful for the old girl what with leading the way, and raising all that money'.

Reg: 'She's bloody fleeced 'em all, Perce.  I've bin watchin' 'er wiv them dog biscuits.  There won't be any left for us if she keeps on floggin' 'em'.

Percy: 'Reg, try and understand what Dog Mum's trying to achieve here today.  It's a jolly good....OH MY GOD, WHAT IS THAT WONDERFUL SMELL?'

This was the cue for the appearance of a beautiful schnauzer who had the misfortune to be just coming out of season.

Percy: 'I must have her Reg.  I'll see you later old boy'.

Percy smooths his eyebrows down, and twirls moustache and beard extravagantly (think Terry Thomas) and gets down to business (of some sort - not even sure he had the right end at one point).

Percy is grabbed by Mrs S who rapidly gets him back on the lead amid copious apologies.

Reg: 'Well lad, looks like there'll be no lovin' for you this morning.  That'll learn ya for being so bloody obvious about it.  Now if that 'ad been me, well, I would've coaxed 'er into the woods with a promise of an ear nibble.  Works every time mate'.

Percy: 'Oh shut up, Reg'.

Reg: 'Right me old mate, I'm off to see who's up front of this lot.  See you later Leady Boy'.

Reg runs off and 'starts something' with every dog he passes.  This usually involves an uppercut and a half-Nelson.

Miss R runs after Reg and puts him back on his lead.

On the Way Home.

Percy: 'Well Reg, the old girl seems very happy with herself.  I expect that there will be a small pig's ear each for us when we get home to reward us for being so good'.

Reg: 'You're bleedin' jokin' mate.  If we get any kind of treat, I reckon it will be because Dog Mum's relieved'.

Percy: 'Why would she be relieved Reg?'

Reg: 'No unmarried muvvers for a start Perce'.

Clever Reg....


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