Sunday, 30 July 2017

Love is in the air...

Did any of you watch Love Island?  Having three males in the house, there wasn't much choice as to whether I watched it or not, but having got over the repulsion of the perfect bodies on show, I quite enjoyed it in a very shallow kind of way.  Over the first few episodes, I would look at the girls and dream about when I once looked like that.  

Actually, I have never looked like that.  Even at my peak, I probably would have looked more like Marilyn Manson than Marilyn Monroe.  The thing is, the girls these days have a lot more 'aids' which they can call on to perfect their beauty.  We never had boob jobs, padded bras, fake fans, teeth whitening or permanent make-up (although there have been a couple of mascaras I've used over the years which were a little reluctant to shift).  What you saw was what you got back then.  These days, I'm sure that the Trade Descriptions Act could be quoted on many an occasion.   I can just picture some poor bloke saying, 'Well, I wasn't expecting that', as the girl lifts her vest revealing underwear which McAlpine may have had something to do with.

But I'd quite like the TV company in charge to do a Love Island for older people.  I can just picture myself in a skimpy string bikini laid out by the pool.  The top would struggle to stay decent as I have nothing to keep it in its place, but the bottom would be completely the opposite.  I'd have a wonderful muffin top and my buttocks would be clamped down on the rear triangle, each one competing for maximum coverage.  

There would be none of those risque games which the younger folk play.  I'm picturing Gin Rummy and perhaps chess for the more educated adults, and there might be a chance of Twister for the more lithe villa occupants (these would be the ones who have religiously taken their Sanatogen all their lives).  There would then be time for a little siesta in the afternoon, a lovely dinner washed down with a fruity red, a re-run of Pretty Woman and then all into bed (separately) by 10.00 having taken our Rennies and any other medications needed.

There'd be none of the bickering and mouthing off which the youngsters seemed to be so fond of.  Us oldies would simply thrash out any disagreements over a nice cup of tea and a slice of Battenburg cake.   I doubt we'd go in the pool as much either, unless it was heated to simmering.  The same would go for the hot tub.   But I think this would be more down to the fact that as adults, we all know that hot tubs are carriers of diseases and therefore should be avoided at all costs.  Unless you can go in with a full wet suit..that might be ok.

Of course, the TV people will never do anything like this.  Who wants to see a lifetime of wrinkles, stretchmarks and operation scars paraded in swimwear which has seen better days (if not years).   I suppose that as we get older, beauty decreases as fast as wisdom increases (in theory) so at least now we are wise enough to know something very important.

What you see, isn't always what you get.  

Sometimes it's a whole lot better...

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