Lock all the doors...

We are still limping towards the oil delivery on the 11th February.  Heating has been rationed to two lots of two hours a day - just about enough to stop anyone refusing to get out of bed in the morning.  It's just as well the Heating Police (the husband) has allowed this, as I fear we may have had mutiny in the house.  I can just imagine daughter number one and son number two locking the husband in his office while they twist the thermostat hard right, causing the more hardy of us to sweat like Lee Evans after a Vindaloo. 

Talking of sweating (or is it 'glowing' we women do?) it dawned on me a few weeks ago that I haven't had a hottie for some time.  For those of you who weren't on board for the 'Summer of Loose Clothing and Battery Operated Fan', you missed some very informative advice as to how to deal with the dreaded menopause.  Red Clover and I are still on good terms, and rather than coming off it, and running the risk of the return of the aforementioned hottie and its accompanying joys, I have decided to stay on it.  Mind you, if the oil does run out, perhaps it might be a good idea to come off it for a week or so.  I will be so warm, and the rest of the family can huddle around me in the evening bathing in the heat I am generating like an oversized patio heater.  Just a thought....

So I had a very interesting five minutes in the Post Office queue yesterday.  Two elderly ladies in front of me were discussing a meal they were putting on for another group of elderly ladies.  Shepherd's pie and lasagne were on the menu, and here's how their conversation went, with silent responses from yours truly...

OL1 'Well, I'm doing the shepherd's pie and June is doing the lasagne'.
OL2 'Is shepherd's pie pork or beef mince?'
Me 'It's lamb...the clue is in the name'.

OL1 'Shepherd's pie?  Oh, definitely beef'.
Me 'No, it's not.  It's lamb'.

OL2 'Are you doing salad?'
OL1 'Yes.  But only for the lasagne.  You never have salad with shepherd's pie'.
Me 'Correct - it's law to have peas with shepherd's pie'

OL1 'I'll do cabbage with it'.
Me 'Bang goes a perfectly good shepherd's pie'.

OL2 'Have you got everything you need for the salad?'
OL1 'I've got tomatoes and a cucumber, and one lettuce'.
Me 'This is not a salad.  This is a coming together of raw vegetables (and fruit if you're being picky)'.

OL1 'I need another lettuce, but you can only buy one at a time now what with that famine'.
Me 'Forget the other lettuce.  It won't make that salad any better, just a bit greener'.

OL2 'I'll get that tomorrow when I'm at Tesco.  And all that salad is going with the lasagne?'
OL1 'Yeah.  I wouldn't mind, but I don't even like shepherd's pie or lasagne'.
OL2 What are you going to eat then?'
OL1 'Salad'.
Me 'Oh god....'

When they got to the counter, it became apparent that there was a problem.  They were trying to post a letter to Australia with a scratch card in it, but OL2 had forgotten to buy the scratch card.  In the end, they got the very patient Post Office assistant to weigh the card and a piece of folded paper (mimicking the scratch card) and pay for the total postage.  They were then to go and buy the scratch card, close the envelope up and simply post the envelope in the nearest post box.  This all sounded perfectly reasonable to me, but as OL1 walked past me, I watched her lick the envelope and close it quite firmly (OL2 had gone on ahead to buy the scratch card). 

It's times like this that I realise that they are not all quite locked up yet...


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