While I was having my incredibly healthy breakfast yesterday morning, I pondered the decision made by someone high up in Sainsbury's to make their low fat yoghurt pots square...You try getting it all out with a spoon - having swiped my spoon round the pot a couple of times to get those last bits of black cherry clinging to the corners out, I eventually came up with the bright idea of flipping the spoon round, and using the handle - worked a treat.
So suitably fed, I headed off to Binland. One of our lovely drivers was selling raffle tickets, fund raising for a poorly friend who was in need of some serious cheering up. I bought five strips, and then Mr E, the young boy I work with, decided he'd have five also. With me in charge of the raffle ticket pad and the pen, it was down to me to fill in all the ticket stubs.
As I started getting writer's cramp around stub number thirty six, Mr W, my slightly older boss, chipped in for two strips. My writing was now getting more and more illegible, and I resorted to just putting our joint initials down.
'What are we going to win then?' asked the ever eager Mr E. Well the prizes turned out to be extensive, with weekends away and beauty treatments. One of the prizes was a cream tea for four, so we have decided that this will be a team day out for all of us if we win. Mr E and I were slightly worried about winning the weekend away for two. How would that work?
The driver, listening to the daft banter insinuated that there might be something going on between us.
'Leave it out', I said. 'I've got tights older than him'.
'There's a name for women like you' replied the driver. 'Are you one of those cougars?'
Well bless him for that, but as a menopausal, middle aged woman with arthritis, a dodgy hip, grey roots and a tendency to sweat like a fat man on the Tube, I think that my cougar days are long gone (if they ever even existed).
I'm more like a battered old alley cat with four teeth missing, a ripped ear and a touch of mange...
Now I have that image in my head, I'll be singing Memories all day.....