Friday, 19 August 2016

Fame...

Life has gone back to normal after the excitement of Wednesday's filming (I can now stop sucking my stomach in, the husband can go back to wearing his daft t-shirts and the children will go back to their normal 'turning up when we can't afford to pay for our own food' visits).

It was a very interesting experience, and I'll probably look at every television programme with a little more respect now.  I was not the 'natural' I hoped I would be, I must confess.  This all became very apparent within five minutes of the camera being switched on.  All I had to do was open a kitchen cupboard door, remove my Red Clover tablets and a glass, pop a tablet and swallow with the glass of water.  This is what everyone at home will probably see. 

What you won't see is the cameraman saying to me..

'Don't swallow the tablet' (too late)

'Please don't swallow that one too' (he wasn't quick enough to stop me).

'Wrong hand'

'Don't look at me, talk to the kitchen door' (this was easy actually as there are times when I feel I might as well talk to an inanimate object, the amount of attention that's paid to my verbal diatribes).

'Stop fidgeting - you wouldn't believe how noisy your feet are' (there's no answer to that, however hard I try)

There was then the problem I had with walking out my front door and closing it behind me.  Now I have done this successfully at least a dozen times a day for over forty years.  Put a camera in front of me, and all of a sudden it's the hardest thing to do.  I think that the poor cameraman got what we needed after five attempts. For some reason, all I wanted to do was leave the door open, and the last but one take saw me throwing my hands in the air as I walked away from the gaping door, shouting, 'I was only supposed to shut the bloody door' in the worst Michael Caine impersonation ever.  There was some polite laughter from the cameraman, but I'm sure that he and the lovely television lady were questioning the decision to include me in the programme.  I bet Sue from Cardiff would have been far more professional...

I was also dreadful at carrying potatoes to the table when they filmed us eating, managing to circumnavigate the kitchen island a couple of times before making it to the table.  Mind you, as the potatoes were neither raw nor burnt, I suppose a lap of honour was called for.  It just probably wasn't the right time to do it..

The husband was a revelation though.  Not to me, of course, as I know that man inside out.  But he spoke so honestly to the lovely television lady that he made her cry.  She said it was because what he said about me was so beautiful, but I think it's more that she could see the light at the end of a tunnel fraught with open doors and well travelled potatoes.

After six hours, we were done, and they had enough material for their programme.  I think they also had enough for It'll be Alright on the Night, You've Been Framed and Food Detectives - Kitchen Fails.

I would also imagine that we might be considered for an extended episode of the Jeremy Kyle Show.

Now, wouldn't that be nice...
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