Thursday, 7 January 2016

I believe I can fly..

Words from a Bird.  Day 7

It would appear that I am unable to fly.  Surprised?  Not as much as I was when I found myself in a crumpled heap in the middle of the field during a dog walk yesterday afternoon.  Dignity gone out of the window rapidly followed by a new pair of black opaques....oh the shame.  So glad that no one saw me delicately rising from the mud, flashing (large) drawers to whoever might have been unlucky enough to be pulling their curtains at 5.00 last night.  So, limping back to the house, rubbing at my muddy knees like a five year old who's fallen off her bike, I assumed that a hot bath and a couple of painkillers would set me right.  How wrong I was....

Having spent the whole night doing a one leg goose-step around the house, it was off to A&E in the morning...the sensible thing to do.  There are two reasons why I did this.  Firstly, there was a small chance that they might be able to help me in achieving a mid leg bend.  Secondly, it would mean escaping from the husband and his can of 'Cure-All' menthol, freeze spray, which he insisted on squirting at me at every opportunity.  Being unable to walk, I was a sitting target, and by 10.00 last night, his aim not being all it should be, I was numb between my neck and left ankle.  For a brief time between 8.30-9.15, my mouth was paralyzed and I looked like I had a Bell's Palsy.  I had also developed a respiratory complaint from his wild nozzle inaccuracy.  The positive side of all this was that I could breathe beautifully, so not all bad....

A wonderful morning spent at A&E, tights off, tights on, tights off, tights on........tights eventually chucked in the bin as I couldn't be bothered to keep doing it.  Four hours later, armed with instructions which involved peas, elevation and lots of rest (Ha!  I am a woman, did the doctor not notice that?) I walked out of the hospital, in a style which John Cleese would have been proud of, pale white legs glinting in the winter sunshine, the look completed with a week's worth of leg stubble (it is January after all)  and a rather large bruise on my knee. I was also clutching a packet of horse pills.

Apparently, my patella has shifted.  I tell you, if those horse pills turn out to be ones that are not taken orally, that won't be the only thing that will be shifting...





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