Words from a Bird....Day 16
After a particularly hard week, the husband suggested a night out at the cinema. My choice. Here's how the conversation went:
Me: Let's go and see The Revenant
Husband: What's that about?
Me: It's got Tom Hardy in it.
Husband: Yes..but what's it about?
Me: Snow....oh and a bear...and it's got Tom Hardy in it.
Husband: Anything else on?
Me: Nothing with Tom Hardy in.
You can probably see that nothing was going to tear me away from a good session of Hardy lusting, so settled down with goodies, the lights dimmed and thus started two and a half hours of my life that I shall never get back...
If you haven't see The Revenant as yet, look away now........
Oh the disappointment...I thought for the first hour or so that we were watching a foreign film, and was expecting subtitles to appear. If only I had brought my TV remote, I would have been pressing 888 frantically. Now I can forgive Tom Hardy most things (if I am honest, he could probably strangle a kitten and I would put it down to a bad day) but I couldn't understand what he was saying at all. His accent was veering towards a Texas drawl, with a smattering of Home Counties thrown in. This, of course, explained the music that ran over the top of the dialogue for most of the film. That needed subtitles too. As Eric Morecambe said, 'I am playing the right notes, just not in the right order'. Life Wisdom note here: 'Beware of films with music running all the way through, as they usually have something to hide'.
And as to what they had done to him...well....his character had been scalped, so the hairdo was more of a 'hairdon't'. I spent a lot of the first hour muttering 'Put a hat on for goodness sake'. He also looked like he needed a good bath (it did cross my mind as to whether there would be a credit at the end of the film saying 'Mr Hardy's Personal Washer'. Where was that job when I was looking last year?)
Now one thing I really loved about the film were the scenery shots. The director obviously likes trees. He also likes snow, and shots of the sun as it hits those trees and that snow. He also likes to film melting snow, dripping off those bloody trees. Now this is all very well if you're making a travelogue, or a documentary about elks or global warning, but not okay for a film about loss and revenge.
It was almost like the director was saying to Leonardo, 'I know you're having a frightful time, but look at the trees, see how beautiful it all is. Let it go.....' Actually, the other line in that song you're all singing in your heads right now is also applicable. 'The cold never bothered me anyway'...along with the cold, frostbite, malnutrition, a possible broken ankle and the loss of three quarters of his entire blood supply didn't phase him either.
So my final review. I loved it! Well, it had Tom Hardy in it, didn't it......