Bag lady..

Words from a Bird.  Day 13

After the thunderbolt from the Grim Reaper yesterday lunchtime, it set me thinking about whether there was something I should be doing to disguise or slow down the ravages of time.  Now I fully appreciate that a brown paper bag, although job appropriate, is not acceptable headwear for a middle aged woman... alternatives had to be found.

Which is how I found myself standing in front of the No 7 counter in Boots, staring in complete bewilderment at the shelf upon shelf of tubes of serums.  It wasn't that I didn't understand the concept, I had merely left the varifocals in the car, and couldn't see a damn thing.

'Can I help you Madam?'

Cue beautiful Indian lady, looking at me with some concern.  By the time she had finished speaking, I had managed to grab one of the tubes, pretending to read the small print (please God, it was the right way up).  A little hand laid gently on my arm, and a soft voice said, 'Not that one madam, that's for the 20-35 year age range.  Can I suggest that you try this one for the 30-45 year range?'  Oh, she's good. I thought.  Well trained in flattery and sycophancy. Well, the print was bigger on the one she gave me, which was a positive, so looking for a little more flattery, I said, 'But I'm 52, is there another tube for my age group?'  It was at this point that I found myself playing Top Trumps with a No.7 adviser on a Tuesday afternoon.  'Well, I am 64 and I use this one, so it should be fine for you'.

64....64.....oh for goodness sake....there was no way I was going to beat that.  So I did what any normal person did.  Bought three tubes of serum (they were on offer...)  I reckon these should last me until around 2020, by which time, I will definitely be in the 45-60 year range.

Either that, or I shall be sporting a well-ironed brown paper bag with a couple of eye holes neatly cut in.


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