I swear...

Ouch...

There are many words which could summarise the last six days, but this one will do quite nicely.

Up until today, I have been a woman of two halves.  From the waist upwards, I have been Mrs Brown (she of the 'boys' fame) with a mouth like a sewer and a propensity for foul language at regular intervals.  Below the waist, and it's John Wayne all the way, with a pair of legs which wouldn't stop the proverbial pig in a passage.  It's all been a bit, 'Get off that feckin' horse and drink your Guinness', as the big man may or may not have said.

But back to Monday...

The husband, ever supporting and caring, left me in the more than capable hands of the local hospital and their fabulous staff, and was there again at the end of the day once the operation was done to ferry me back home. Levitation has been the keyword this week, and no more so than when encountering the sleeping policemen close to home.  After the third had been taken at a rate of knots, the husband finally realised that his dearly beloved had broken out into a cold sweat and was muttering something unrepeatable under her breath and speed was curtailed rather sharply.  On that journey, I developed thigh muscles which could crack walnuts, such was the effort in keeping my derriere in hovercraft mode (ie, nowhere near the bloody seat).

The next four days were spent in bed, while the husband worked outside creating a pergola in the garden (more of this another day).  Together with Nurse Percy and Registrar Reg, Dr Bird has excelled himself in my aftercare.  Although leading up to my operation, he wasn't that sensitive if I'm honest.  Having made the schoolgirl error of telling him that I'd have to wear a nightie for some days after the operation, he took great joy in calling me Wee Willie Winkie for a time, threatening to buy me a pointy night cap to wear in bed.  This was soon downgraded to Tinky-Winky (so great to be compared to a crazy old man in a night shirt playing Knock Down Ginger at all hours, and then a piece of rather camp purple faux fur with a magic bag).

So today is my first day of being able to sit.  Admittedly, I am listing somewhat and can only perch on the edge of my seat like a pissed budgie, but at least I'm on the mend.

And the swearing is down to a minimum.

For which my neighbours are grateful, I'm sure...


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