Wrapped up...

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The last weekend before Christmas....

A couple of days when you can take it easy before the maelstrom of the Yuletide descends in a whoosh of booze, Brussels and baubles.

Yeah right...

I have spent most of today beetling around the Home Counties trying to tick off the last remaining things from a list as long as your arm.  It was the double cream which nearly finished me off.  In town, I had walked past three supermarkets, and having peered through the window of each one and seen the record breaking queues, I muttered something unrepeatable and kept walking.  Fortunately for all those frequenting the Bird House this Christmas, I was driving the Mother home when I remembered that she had a proper dairy opposite her house.  Swinging the car into their small, fairly empty car park, I managed to tick off the last thing on my list.  Halle-bloody-lujah.

Finally falling onto the sofa about an hour ago, the husband waltzed in.  'Busy day?' he asked. 'You don't want to know', I said, still ticking through several pages of Christmas Planning.   'What have you been up to today then?'

Wait for it...

'I wrapped a present'.  You should note at this point, that 'present' is in the singular.  Enough to raise a small orchestra of warning bells as I already know that he's bought me a new coat for Christmas. Actually, I did the shopping of the aforementioned coat.  The husband's contribution was his bank card, passed over in a desultory fashion while he was eating a beef and ale pie a couple of weeks ago.

'Yes, so I'm all done.  In fact, I reckon I deserve a beer'.

If we work on this one present:one beer ratio, then I deserve a week in the Bahamas with Bradley Cooper massaging my sun tan cream in while pink doves flap their wings gently so I don't overheat.

Am I asking too much ladies?


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