Up, up and away...

As the years have passed, I have learned that Miss R is not always completely honest with me.

'Want to go on a little bike trip around the coast?' she asked me a few weeks ago.  'It's on electric bikes, so you won't have to do anything'.  On the basis of this, I agreed, gullible fool that I am.

There were twelve of us altogether, and checking out the older ladies, I decided that I would be fine.  I mean, just how hard could it be.  Well ladies, it turned out that the older ladies were all Dutch, and therefore riding a bike before they walked, but I still hoped that I wouldn't lay shame at the front door of the UK as I followed the tour leader.

An hour and a half in, having negotiated cobbled lanes, traffic lights, policemen (don't know what he shouted at me, but it wasn't pleasant) and a steep hill two miles long, I was close to throwing up over the road barrier.  The sweat was pouring down my face, and for one brief moment, I did consider chucking Miss R and her 'you won't have to do anything' right over the next sheer drop, but I persevered.  Miss R, who was feeling slightly guilty that she'd coerced me into a life or death bike trip, tried chatting encouragingly to me on the last steep hill up to the fort (a look out for the coastline, just so you get an idea of what I was up against) but by now, I had resorted to turning the air blue with muttered obscenities and growling at her under my breath and I was close to turning back and coasting back down the hill to the rental shop.

And then our guide uttered these pearls of words...

'It's downhill all the way now ladies'.

Well.  All of a sudden, the sun was brighter and the sky bluer, and I set off down the hill towards the beach where we were stopping for lunch.  A ham roll and several glasses of beer later, Miss R and I were preparing to get back onto the bikes.  Miss R was flapping.  'I've lost my bloody sunglasses', she said.  'I reckon I lost them while I was coming down that last hill'.  As I watched her trawling through her paniers, I wondered how long to leave it before telling her that she was wearing the darn things.  With what she'd put me through, I'm surprised I told her at all actually.

But the rest of the journey was fabulous, with gorgeous scenery, Elton John's house (he was out), castles, weddings, beaches and bougainvillea.

It almost made the blisters, bruised calves, sore derriere and sunburn worth it.

Note the use of the word 'almost'...