A big hunk o' love...

I've had to stop thinking about those American footballers' trousers.  It's playing havoc with my blood pressure, and I have enough with the menopausal sweating without going looking for trouble in that department.

Yesterday was a good day for me.  I have come to accept that for me, a good day involves achieving great things at Binland, doing a couple of wifely jobs at home and the sun making a rare appearance. All three came in yesterday, with a couple of happy customers, the washing machine put on (I have almost forgotten how this works, I use it so infrequently now) and the bins taken out (this counts as a Blue Job, so the husband got it in the ear a tiny bit last night).  Add to that a beautiful sunny walk with the two fuzzballs in the woods, and hey presto....a perfect day as Lou Reed might say.

I had another job to do yesterday.  This harked back to LBB (Life Before Binland) when I used to bake cakes for a living.  Part of this was making personalised cakes for friends, and over the years I have created out of sugar and water everything from Elvis to a pair of 36DD's.  A lot of guesswork had to go into the latter as I didn't have much experience to draw on.  Mind you, I've never seen Elvis in the flesh either, but there's always the internet...

More often than not, my cakes involved creating a model of the person whose birthday it was, and popping them on top of the cake in some form or other.  The strangest one I've ever done was for a young man who liked to sing.  His cake involved him standing at a microphone singing (all good so far) with all his six pet cats watching.  His mother was so kind as to provide photos of the cats, but even so....  

The lady who wanted the Elvis cake wasn't interested in Hunk of Love Filmstar Elvis, nor was she after Black Leather Comeback Elvis (steady, ladies).  No.  What she wanted was Hamburger Elvis, circa 1977, completely decked out in white polyester, cheap rhinestones and support underwear.

I came to realise when I was making cakes that you didn't always have to give the customer exactly what they thought they wanted, and this Elvis was a prime example. Having created a rather rotund chap in a slashed to the waist jumpsuit and flowing cape, I stood there poised with a cocktail stick, trying to figure out where the navel should go. Unfortunately, if I'd put it where it should have gone, bearing in mind the size of the gentleman's orb, he would effectively have had three nipples, and that's not the best of looks for a sex symbol. There was only one thing to do and that was to give Elvis a tummy tuck and reposition the navel. This was much better and the customer was thrilled.

The cake I am handing over today is for a wonderful man who is retiring after a long time with the same company. The trouble is, having known him as long as I have, I have created his model with a full head of hair.  I bumped into him yesterday and as he walked away after our chat, I realised that I had possibly been a little over generous in the hair department.  It was too late to add a little bald spot so he's being left as he is.

I'm sure he will be overjoyed...