I have come to the conclusion that I now know what is the biggest lie ever. Spoon fed to us mere mortals since the age of around 15, it's taken till now (38 years later) to realise that I have been taken for a fool.
And the object of my disgust? Anti-perspirant/deodorant, that's what.
In the old days, my Mum deodorant seemed to do what it said on the side of the bottle (always been a roll on girl). As the years have gone by, and technology has improved (don't make me laugh) I have stuck with one particular roll on, and banked on it doing the job it's meant to do. Which is:
1. Stop you smelling like you've not showered for a week
2. Stop you sweating
It is the second claim I have the issue with, as I can confirm that raising my arms emits a waft of roses, cotton or linen, depending on which flavour I have purchased. However, several weeks ago, I noticed that I was having to be more careful with what I wore, as sweaty armpits are not attractive on a lady of advanced years. I blame this on the dreaded menopausal 'hotties' which have reared their ugly head again. Why they only surface in the summer months is anybody's guess. The money I could have saved on the heating if they'd persevered through the winter months would have been enough to keep me in battery-operated fans till at least May.
So, having decided that I needed something a little more hardcore, I expanded my search to the bottom shelf of the antiperspirant/deodorant shelf, where the bad boys sit. These aerosols promised 12 whole hours of dryness, so I popped one in the trolley and tried it out for a couple of days.
And do you know what? There was no difference whatsoever. My armpits were still doing a passable impression of a water slide and the pale pink shirt in my wardrobe remained unworn (couldn't risk wearing it till I was sure).
Going back to the supermarket, I then found another one which promised 48 hours of dryness. My theory was, that I only needed it to do 8 hours, so even if it only had a 50% success rate, I should be covered.
Once again.....no improvement. In fact this one was worse, as it set me off coughing every time I used it. (Never had this problem with a roll-on...)
So I have decided to try a different tack. Perhaps I need something a little more hardcore. I hear that Ronseal do a product called 'One Coat Damp Seal', guaranteed to permanently block damp.
I wonder if it does what it says on the tim...