Thursday, 6 April 2017

Hound dog...

Over the past few months, there has been much in the way of job applications and interviews going on in this house, and while walking the two fuzzballs yesterday, I wondered how they would fair if they had to sit a standard dog interview.  Now as you probably know by now, Percy and Reg could not be more different, and I think that this would show in their answers...

What kind of dog are you?

Percy: I am a Miniature Schnauzer with an impeccable pedigree.  I come from a long line of champions and am proud of who I am. I walk with dignity knowing this and like to stick my nose in the air to show superiority.
Reg:  Yeah, I've got that piece of paper too, but I reckon I am a throwback to my less refined ancestors.  I skulk around all day looking like I'd like to chew your leg off.

What's your favourite food?

Percy:  I only eat what I am given.  I eat my meals, and the odd dog biscuit each day.  Miss R sometimes brings me treats which I do rather like too.  I know my limits.
Reg: Everything.  If it stops moving long enough I'll eat it.  Does it have to be food, or do spiders and the squeakers in toys count?  If they do, then I really like them. They're my favourite food.  I have no limits.  I can eat till I am sick.

Are you house-trained?

Percy:  Naturally. I like to disappear somewhere private with the Guardian each morning. I take my time, and read the paper, I like to stay informed.
Reg: Yes, but I'm not too picky about where I go.  The lawn, next door's drive, that expensive rug which used to be in the lounge....they will all do.  I don't care who sees me do it as I have no morals. I sometimes creep up on Percy while he's going and make him jump for a laugh.

What games do you like to play?

Percy: One which involves a stick and some chasing, and I'm also partial to some football
Reg: I like to play games which end up with something being shredded. Percy won't ever play this with me.  Percy is a goody-goody...

What tricks can you do?
Percy: I can sit, stay and walk nicely.  I can also wait for a biscuit for quite a while.
Reg: I'm really good at breathing and running around a lot. Oh, and I'm ever so good at licking my balls (and Percy's too for that matter)

What's your favourite outfit?

Percy: I don't really like wearing clothes, but I am fond of my red tweed bow tie as I feel it lends gravitas.
Reg: I like my blue bandana because I can pull it up over my snout and no one recognises me.  It's very handy for when I want to steal something or creep up on Percy.

How do you sleep?

Percy:  I sleep the sleep of the righteous.  Curled up neatly at the far corner of the bed, not moving in case I wake the bed occupant up.
Reg: On my back with my legs in the air.  Usually draped over whichever human happens to be sharing the bed with me. My favourite thing is to watch them while they sleep, nose to nose. It's even better when they wake up and find me staring at them.  'Unsettling' I think they called it.

On a scale of one to ten, how perfect a dog are you?

Percy: I'm more human than canine.  If only I had opposing thumbs, my life would be complete.
Reg: Well, I think I'm probably around a 5...this score is purely down to the fact that I'm quite cuddly when I've not got my gnashers around something inappropriate like that rug or the plant in the kitchen.

Based on these answers, Reg will be looking for gainful employment elsewhere very soon..

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