You should all know by now about my family's Saturday ritual. Yesterday's was slightly different.
For a start son number two and ELL were there. I had just got used to them both being away, when all of a sudden, within two weeks, they are both back again. You all know how much that boy can eat, and I mentally tallied up how much money breakfast was going to cost. Daughter number one turned up too, just as the lovely waitress was taking the food order, so I knew that deep in the dark depths of my handbag, my purse was weeping.
So we all had breakfast and caught up on each other's weeks. The big news was as follows:
Mrs Jangles had overslept one day this week by two hours. I did suggest that she had put the clock forward instead of back, but apparently it was her cleaner's fault for turning the alarm volume down while doing some vigorous dusting.
The mother was off to see some Spanish horses dancing about Wembley Arena. I am anticipating a Paso or a Salsa, but am struggling to imagine a horse in stacked heels and with a fake tan.
Miss R was heading off to St Albans for lunch and retail therapy. I did want to tease her with a story about an old ruin and an even older relic spending the afternoon together, but decided against it.
Daughter number one had taken delivery of the rest of new kitchen. The question did arise as to what she was doing at breakfast when the husband was at her flat 'doing' things. In all fairness, the husband was doing manly jobs, so she may just have got in the way.
Son number two and ELL had been clubbing on Friday night after a posh meal celebrating their escape from student life.
My big news was what the body part was on the surprise birthday cake. The mother and Mrs Jangles practically pinned me down for answers and I eventually gave in and told them. Their relief was palpable...
So one by one, everyone left to go about the rest of their weekends. Eventually, it was just me, the Mother and Mrs Jangles.
'Glass of wine?' I asked. There was a reason behind this - I had just got my hair done, and was reluctant to go out into the maelstrom which the weatherman had called 'intermittent showers'. I'll give him 'intermittent showers'. I had a hat, a hood and a cheap umbrella, but wasn't convinced that it would be enough protection to stop me looking like I had combed my hair with a firework.
Those of you who know my aunt and mother will not be at all surprised to know that I only got as far as the word 'Glass', before they both agreed to a glass of Malbec. This bought me another hour before heading out into the great outdoors which was perfect, as by then the weather had calmed down to a dull roar. Duly bundled up, I headed back to the car and then onto home.
Oh, and before I sign off, I know you want to know what the extra large body part was on the cake, don't you.
Well it was a pair of flappy ears, sticking out at right angles like a couple of handles.
There, happy now?