Friday, 15 July 2016

Questions...

Daughter number two brought the husband back a t-shirt from 'somewhere in Asia', which he decided to wear to work yesterday.  Blazoned across his manly chest, it reads...

'I don't need Google.  My wife knows everything'.

Naturally this isn't true.  Perhaps it should read, 'My wife knows some things, and what she doesn't know she blags'.  Yes, that would be more accurate.  He seems to think that I am a walking encyclopaedia, and often refers to me as 'The Oracle'.  I am assuming that he is talking about her off The Matrix, and not the fat bloke off Benidorm who is brilliant at crosswords.  Anyway, as I was saying, he thinks I know everything.  Time to fess up I think...

1.  I can't speak French.  Some years ago, we were driving in France and got lost.  Having got directions (in French) I have simply made up where we should be going, and hoped for the best.  There have been a couple of times when I have had to blame the French direction giver, who hating us Brits (doesn't everyone?) had directed us to the local cemetery rather than our hotel.  Mon dieu...

2. I know nothing about football, although the husband has me down as a Saturday pundit.  This stems from the fact that once, I named the entire England squad, and the positions they were playing in a friendly.  The husband was terribly impressed, but what he didn't know was that I had memorised all this off the back page of the Daily Mail while waiting for a very late dentist appointment.  Well it was either the Mail or National Geographic.  I suppose it's just as well that he didn't ask any questions about hippos or the Arctic Circle that night, as I would have been scuppered.

3. I know very little about IT.  For some reason, any problems with his PC, and it's me who he calls for help.  I look after the modem, the computers, the Wi-Fi and the broadband.  Most of the time I have no idea what I am doing, so if I need information, I tend to look it up (on Google, funnily enough) and then follow their instructions.  Of course, everything is relative, and compared to the husband's knowledge of IT, I am bloody Bill Gates...

So you see, I don't know everything, just a little bit about a lot of stuff, most of which is completely useless.  I know things like...

1.The dot on the lower case 'i' is called a tittle.
2. Nothing rhymes with purple
3. Elephants can't jump
4. Coke Cola is green
5. Hot water weighs more than cold water
6. And.....armadillos can be housetrained.

Now who doesn't want to know that?
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