Skip to main content

Eve of destruction.....

Words from a Bird.  Day 88

Reg has been in our lives for two weeks now.  We are now where we wanted to be, with Reg and Percy being good mates (albeit mates where one mate gets a little hacked off if the other mate pesters too much).  However, as the time has gone on, and the relationship with Percy has improved, my house and belongings have suffered as follows:

1.  The large Madagascan Dragon Tree, which has been happily living in my kitchen for the last 10 years has been 'got at'.  After removing Reg from the earth for the hundredth time this morning, I came up with the bright idea of cling filming the pot, so that he couldn't get anywhere near it.  This worked for exactly 47 seconds before he started to suck on the cling film.  The tree is now on my desk, its higher branches bent over against the ceiling.  The good thing about this is that the loose electric socket which the plant was hiding, has been replaced by the husband today - every cloud, and all that...

2.  The kitchen waste bin has been turned around so that the flap is facing inwards.  This makes disposing of any rubbish almost impossible, but is does stop Reg from hanging off the front, his legs off the ground, and snout in the bin.

3.  My office bin has been raided on several occasions, with Reg making the shredder surplus to requirements.  The bin is also now on my desk.

4. The rug under my desk now has a beautifully sucked corner, which I only discovered yesterday.  I thought he was quiet under there.  Time is teaching me that quiet = bad.  The rug is now rolled up and is on the printer cupboard next to my desk.  Its width dictates that it encroaches onto my desk, and it is fighting for space with the Dragon Tree and my waste paper bin.  I have given up using my desk for any writing or work, and have resorted to using my knees.

5.  I have no tea towels left.  These have been dragged off the oven rail and are now residing in the flower bed (the unweeded one which means I won't see them until the end of the summer).

6.  There are fourteen small holes on my lawn where 'Digger Reg' has been practising for future bone burying.  He goes at these with such a frenzy that there is no divot to put back into the hole, just a turf equivalent of sawdust.

7.  Two jumpers have been consigned to the bin, after Reg used the sleeves as an adventure playground when I was ironing, swinging off them like Tarzan at the end of an oversized creeper.

8.  He is now able to scale the barrier erected to keep him in the utility room, sneaking out for surprise raids on Percy as he sleeps.  (Percy has got wise to the fact that Reg can't get onto the sofa, so now sleeps there, confident that he will be left in peace, all the while surreptitiously flicking the V's at Reg.

So not too much destruction overall.  The furniture's still intact as are my fingers and ankles.  We're probably over the worst.

Stop laughing....

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Say goodbye...

Here's a question for you.  Why is it that when we are dieting, we say that we have 'lost weight'.  To me this implies that at some time in the not so distant future, we're going to find it again.  I like to imagine a 28lb blob of yellow fat in a three piece suit, winking lasciviously at me and saying, 'Oi skinny.  I've missed you.  Fancy letting me ride shotgun around those hips again?'
So instead of 'losing weight' I am getting rid of it.  Throwing it away.  Killing it.   Banishing it, never to be seen again.  Previous experience tells me that I will probably have old Blobby hanging back around my middle in a couple of years, once I've tired of leaves and crispbreads, but I am trying to do things slightly different this time.  Slowing down the stampeding rate I eat (I blame hurried school lunches for this), speeding up the walking, and being more aware of what I am doing and why I am doing it.
Someone once told me that if I ever felt like pickin…

Cold wind blows...

I don't know how cold it is with you at the moment, but I spent yesterday morning snapping the two furballs off various trees and posts as we attempted a walk before I went to work.  I had made the schoolgirl error of asking myself, 'Just how cold can it be?' before putting one extra sweater on beneath my walking coat.  I also had my Olga from the Volga fur hat, a scarf and gloves (to be fair, I've been wearing all of these since the middle of October).  Unfortunately, what I hadn't taken into consideration was the above the knee dress I was wearing to work yesterday.  I imagined that the extra warmth up top would somehow work its way to my knees.  
I was wrong.
Getting back indoors after forty five minutes of combat with The Beast from the East, I looked down at my legs.  Even with the black 100 denier tights I was wearing, I could see that my legs had taken on a slightly different hue to normal.  They were looking like two red pillar boxes, and it took ten minutes …

A man could go quite mad...

I have started to realise that there are many things about me which drive the husband mad.  When you first get together, those small faults are cute and a little bit quirky.  However, fast forward a couple of decades and they become a fairly acceptable excuse for manslaughter.  
I started thinking about this after the contretemps with the cutlery drawer a couple of weeks ago.  If you remember, the husband informed that that I was messing with his feng shui by putting the boiled egg spoons in with the dessert forks.  He only seemed to notice that I did this after I bought a new cutlery tray for the drawer, so I'm blaming Groupon for grassing me up.
The other thing is my snoring.  When we first met, this was described as 'endearing', and he told me that as he lay next to me at night, he used to smile to himself and listen to me.  This swiftly moved on to comparisons with a nasally challenged warthog, and more recently to a Boeing 747 with a noisy exhaust.  I'm considerate …