Thursday, 4 February 2016
Words from a Bird. Day 35
Yesterday saw the last of the visiting offspring depart. Once they all have left, I then go into each of their rooms to see:
a) What they've left behind
b) What is missing
c) What they have broken
d) What is causing that smell
e) How much loose change is lying around
f) Glassware and crockery
The girls are usually the ones who leave things behind. Daughter number 1 has left me three jumpers, a mini bottle of champagne (foolish child), a pair of dubious looking slippers and a lovely silver bracelet (I am relying on her not reading this, as I have been wearing this bracelet for two days now). No obvious breakages, just one leg missing off her electric heater. Admittedly, this has been missing for some time, but as the heater rarely leaves her room, I must hold her historically responsible. Oh, and one of the knobs off her wardrobe door seems to have gone AWOL. No loose change unfortunately, but two glasses and a mug returned to the kitchen.
Daughter number 2's bedroom resembled Chernobyl. Even the dog refuses to go back in there once she's gone. Now she is a serial offender with sports socks, and seventeen were found in various nooks and crannies. I also find hair, lots of hair, enough to stuff a cushion. With her hair extensions moulting like a depressed Afghan Hound, the hoover normally expires after about 47 seconds, spluttering its last breath through a furball of Strawberry Blonde (posh for ginger I think you'll find). Not much money, 37p, but I was more than happy with the rescue of four glasses, three mugs, a spoon and three pairs of nail scissors (located with the aid of a metal detector as I scanned the hairy carpet). She is also the one who raids all the cupboards for absolutely anything to take back to university. Usual items lifted are food, shampoo, face-wipes and on odd occasions shoes of mine which having worn once she now considers her own.
Son number 1's room is the one where I find the most loose change, almost £1! Only one glass, but there was the puzzling sight of a beautifully packaged, brand new boot in a box, while the matching one was thrown on the floor . What do I do? Put them both in the box, carefully re-wrapping, or remove one from the box and put them in the wardrobe (NB one door knob missing) along with all the other discarded shoes? Decisions, decisions... Returning to the subject of the missing wardrobe door knobs, they are a bit like a set of 1985 Vauxhall Astra hubcaps in that I never actually have a full set. He returned home with some new cutlery after attempting to pinch some from the drawer. 'Do you have spare cutlery?' he'd asked me. As if....
Son number 2's bedroom remains a mystery to me. It has a smell all of its own. I think something died in there circa 2009, which to this date remains undiscovered. He always has loads of loose change, but as he returns home each night I feel that I can't slip it into my pocket, even though there are times when I feel he should be paying me for cleaning services. He also likes the look of a completely empty wardrobe - that is the only conclusion I can reach, as he likes to hang his clothes on the curtain rail, the wardrobe knobs (he currently has two) and his favourite place, the floor.
So now the rooms are tidy, ready for them to come home again in a couple of weeks. Luckily they will only be in the house for about six hours, and they'll be asleep for about five of those.
It will no difference whatsoever....